Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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