Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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