she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
