so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
