I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
