There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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