Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
