sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
