I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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