Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
