I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
