do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
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You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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