She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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