Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
