just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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