I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
and she was petting her beer can
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
