I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
