I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
