Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I think people are normalizing furries
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
