their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
