I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
