dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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