question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
