Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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