You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
