I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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