My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
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Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
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I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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