I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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