i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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