bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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