im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
the day after is always just damage control
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
