I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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