I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
