FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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