i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
