we have officially mastered the walk of shame
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
