I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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