pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
