the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
