i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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