the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Duck Duck Cougar?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
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no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
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I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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