when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
