Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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