is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
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