Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
