Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
