Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
