what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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