Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
