I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
