I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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