you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
