Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
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