we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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