Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
