He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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