I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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