Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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