Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
