Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
