Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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