We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You were trust falling into bushes
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
