worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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