Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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