she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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