There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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