okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We just shotgunned beers for America
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
