"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
