we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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