Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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