i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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