he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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