Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I want her autograph on my taint
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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