everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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