dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I wanna passion pit in your ass
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
