Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
