Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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