Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
