also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
