Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
