I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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